


Stupidly Jealous

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 02:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: Simon and Baz are a couple, but Simon is still in love with Agatha… isn’t he?





	Stupidly Jealous

It had been a shock to literally the whole school when they had come out as a couple. But by now everybody was used to them holding hands and kissing. It had been unbelievable to Baz that he and Simon had actually gotten together, but here they were, their last year at Watford and even though the humdrum was still out there and the old families were still pressing, he and Simon were happy together. Well, not so much. _He_ was happy. Whilst Simon…

Baz wasn’t stupid. He was able to see what was right before his eyes. He just liked to forget about it and push it far back in his mind. When he held Simon’s hand that was all he thought about. He didn’t need to think about his silly jealousy then. But whenever Simon wasn’t with him and Baz was observing him from afar, he could see it.   
If Agatha hadn’t dumped him a few months ago, they’d still be together… Simon would go back to her any minute if she’d let him. Baz _wasn’t_ stupid. He knew that he was only a second choice, not what Simon really wanted.   
His whole plan had been to marry her and have children with her. Baz wasn’t silly enough to believe Simon would give all that up for _him._ He wasn’t even sure whether Simon was really serious or this was just some sort of fancy.

And he was also aware that Agatha eyed them jealously whenever they were together in public. She obviously still had feelings for him. And he also didn’t miss the glances Simon continuously spared her. They were obviously meant for each other and so painfully oblivious, it almost hurt.   
Of course, because Baz was selfish and a monster, he hadn’t said anything, but he felt guilty and like he was using Simon, what he probably was. He was the thing standing between Simon and Agatha. He knew Simon worried because of her.

If Baz loved him, and he knew that he did, he’d have to let Simon go. But it wasn’t easy. So he prepared a date (They were rarely going on dates; Baz assumed that it was mainly because Simon had no real interest in him and he was just some sort of distraction).

So they were having dinner outside, so Baz could enjoy Simon’s company a little longer. Simon was a little surprised that Baz had put so much effort in the date, but he didn’t say anything more.

“Simon,” Baz began. “I wanted to thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“For our time together, you know, as a couple… I never dreamt that would actually happen.”

“Wait, you are not… breaking up with me, are you?”  
Baz said nothing.

“Shit, Baz,” Simon cried out and buried his face in his hands. “I told you I’m a terrible boyfriend. I should’ve known you couldn’t handle it. You know I’m not good with the whole dating thing… Baz, I, please…”  
“It’s not that.”  
“What then?”

“I kind of wanted to give you the go. You know, that you know I’m totally on your side and you have my permission and everything.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Come on, Simon… I’m not blind. I know how you and Agatha look at each other. I know you still love her.”  
“Agatha broke up with me! She’s not in love with me!”

“Oh yeah? Then why is she always watching us? And why are you always looking at her? Don’t get me wrong. I understand, completely. But please don’t put on a show. It really is okay. You two belong together and I don’t want to stand in your way.”

“Baz… Are you serious about this?”  
He swallowed hard and nodded slowly. Then he leaned down quickly to give Simon some sort of good-bye-kiss.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “Let’s just forget this ever happened. Everything can go back to the way it was before. You and Agatha are together and I…” _… am hopelessly pining._ “I’m fine. Just don’t mention it again.”

With that, he turned around and left Simon.

 

Knowing that he and Simon would never be together again like that physically hurt Baz. He wouldn’t be able to stand seeing Simon with Agatha. He felt like he was going to throw up. So he didn’t even go into the catacombs that night. He just buried his face into the cushions of his bed and never wanted to stand up again.

Simon quietly entered the room a while later. Baz knew that it had taken him this long because he’d been making up with Agatha. He didn’t want to think about it but he couldn’t help it.

He expected the chosen one to go to bed straight away, but then he heard him coming closer.

“Baz,” Simon whispered. “Are you awake?”  
“Hmph,” Baz muffled.

“I feel like you’re missing out on something.”

“Hgnh?”

“I’ve not been watching Agatha because I still love her.”

“Huh?”

“I’m actually… Kind of jealous.”

“Hrmph?!”

“You know, she’s not watching us because of me… But because of you! Everybody knows she has a crush on you!”

“Hm… Hng!”

“What?”  
“So you were jealous because she was in love with me and not with you.”

Baz couldn’t help but feel satisfied for a moment.

“I’m sorry. I thought the feelings you have for her were mutual.”  
“No, Baz, why don’t you get it? I was jealous because I thought you might be interested in her.”

That made Baz laugh.

“That’s ridiculous. I’m gay as hell.”

“And you’re really sure? Like, _really sure_?”

“Yeah of course.”

“Why?”  
“Because you’re just so ridiculously cute, I can’t even look at you.”

Baz buried his face in his pillow another time, but to hide his smile.

 

“I guess we’re both pretty stupid.”

“Yeah, we are.”

And as they smiled at each other, it didn’t matter one bit.


End file.
